Being a mother can be absolutely beautiful and fulfilling, but there is no denying that it is also full of challenges. Fortunately, in recent years, a bit more attention has been placed on screening mothers for postpartum depression. Yet, despite how prevalent anxiety is, there is still a lack of understanding and support for mothers going through this. Postpartum anxiety is highly common, and there is a huge need to better support these women. I work with mothers everyday who are overcoming these symptoms. In this article I will share some natural techniques so that you can learn how to deal with anxiety as a mom and get back to enjoying this beautiful time.
By Rebecca Guarino, LMHC, CIMHP
Rebecca is a licensed therapist and coach, certified in integrative mental health. She specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety, and holistic home and wellness coaching for busy moms. Rebecca is a wife and mother to two little girls.
The Modern Mom’s Overload
Today’s mothers are often juggling multiple roles and demands in their everyday life. They can feel totally maxed out physically and emotionally. Society places unattainable expectations on mothers and often sends out messages that we are failing.
And now with health warnings all over the news, there is additional stress about the wellness of our children. It is no surprise that anxiety creeps up on us, but fortunately there are also many tools to reduce this anxiety.
If you are struggling with anxiety as a mother, you are not alone. The good news is there are many natural ways we can begin to reduce this stress and start to feel like ourselves again.
If you are suffering from postpartum depression, chronic or extreme stress symptoms, or having suicidal or homicidal thoughts, seek professional help immediately.
Postpartum Support International Phone number: (800) 944-4773
National Maternal Health Hotline Phone number: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)
National Parents Helpline Phone Number: (855) 427-2736
10 Natural Tools to Reduce Anxiety as a Mother
1. Practice Coping Strategies
2. Try Therapeutic Writing
3. Balance Circadian Rhythm
4. Physical Activity/Exercise
5. Eat Intentionally
6. Try Supplements
7. Connect With Others for Social Support
8. Prioritize Self-Care
9. Simplify Your Life
10. Start Therapy
Practice Coping Strategies
Life can be so busy that we often forget to pause and self-regulate when we are feeling heightened. Take a moment today to jot down a list of coping skills you may want to try.
Here are a few of the coping skills I teach my clients:
- Visualization: Visualize your calming place, such as the beach. Notice what it looks like, sounds like, and feels like to be there. Tie some deep breaths to the image of the waves flowing in and out. Or, visualize the thing you’re stressed about going well. You might also enjoy a mindfulness meditation practice, prayer, or other mindfulness-based stress reduction exercises.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Tighten up your whole body and then relax it little by little until all your muscles are calm. Repeat as needed.
- Relax your vagus nerve: Slowly swivel your neck back and forth a few times. Then while keeping your head still, shift your eyes to the far right and hold for 30 second. Close your eyes and take a break. Repeat to the left side. It is ok to blink while doing this. Next do some deep breathing. Finish by slowly swiveling your neck again, see how much looser your whole body feels, and enjoy the calming effect.
Practice a couple of these in the evening before you fall asleep and see what feels the best to you.. Or find a moment of quiet and make one or two of these daily habits to reduce anxiety. Different techniques work for different people so experiment until you find something that works.
For a deeper practice, check out my Simplify & Soothe Toolkit which shares my favorite grounding techniques to calm anxiety in under five minutes – tools I teach in therapy and use myself as a mom.
Try Therapeutic Writing
There is something cathartic about getting those anxious thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Writing is one of the best anxiety tools for adults. Try journaling, or a brain dump the next time you’re having anxious feelings.
- Take your journaling to the next level. Ask yourself, what are some other possibilities? What could go right? See if you can challenge the anxious, negative thoughts and write those things down on a separate page. Add any other positive affirmations that appeal to you.
- Try gratitude. I once heard someone say that it is impossible to be anxious and grateful at the same time. This is an incredibly powerful tool. Challenge those anxious thoughts with some gratitude. Remind yourself of all the things that are still ok in your life and feel the stress begin to dissipate. Keeping a gratitude journal or writing down three things you’re grateful for each day can also be a wonderful, perspective changing experience.
- Developing a personal mantra is a great tool for staying calm. If there tend to be recurring moments when you get triggered or heightened, and you have a hard time accessing your challenge thoughts, consider developing a mantra. Reflect on what you want to remind yourself of in those moments, and break that down into two or three words. Those words can become a mantra you repeat over and over in your head during those situations. This will help you to remember the challenge thoughts and stay calm.
Keep these lists of gratitude, affirmations, challenge thoughts, and mantras handy to read through whenever you’re feeling anxious in the future.
Balance Circadian Rhythm
I know, I know… sleep can be a real challenge as a mother when you have little ones waking up and climbing into your bed. Those things may be out of your control, but there are a couple changes to your daily routines that could be helpful.
Be mindful of light after 8pm. Have the blue light on your digital device turn off after that point or wear blue light blocking glasses while watching TV. This will help your natural melatonin to kick-in and make you sleepy by a decent hour. Balance this with more light during the day in order to get your circadian rhythm in sync. If daylight is less accessible for you in the winter, consider using a light box shortly after waking.
Make sure your room is dark and cool in the evenings and drown out sound as needed. Be sure you don’t consume too much caffeine, and you may want to avoid alcohol. Alcohol tends to metabolize about three hours after consumption, which warms up your core body temperature and wakes you.
Work out night shifts with your partner if kids require feedings or attention at night. Maybe one of you is on call from 8pm-2am and the other takes over from 2am-8am. Make sleeping at least six hours (as a bare minimum) the highest priority. Ultimately sleeping closer to 8-9 hours will be more ideal for everyone.
If you struggle to fall asleep you could try diaphragmatic breathing, or a melatonin supplement as needed. Bear in mind only about half a milligram is needed to help you fall asleep. If you struggle to stay asleep you could consider a tea before bed that contains valerian root, passionflower, or hops. Always consult your doctor before trying herbal remedies, especially if you are or could be pregnant.
Physical Activity/Exercise
Moving your body is natural medicine in itself. This does not have to mean a hard core workout. It can be as simple as going for a walk, doing some stretching or yoga, or actively playing with your kids. Pick something that you already enjoy, not something that sounds like punishment, and make it part of your regular routine.
Some physical exercise, as one of your healthy habits, improves your hormonal balance, sleep, cognitive functioning, and digestion. All of those factors lead to a reduction in anxiety symptoms.
If you struggle to stay consistent with self-care and healthy habits, my Create Your Calm: Weekly Reset Planner can help. It includes a habit tracker and gentle, psychology based system-building so you can make intentional, lasting changes without burnout.
Music can be a great resource to help get you moving and bring down anxiety levels. Setup a playlist of songs that energize you. Listen while you walk, dance, or even clean and organize. You might prefer to listen to a book, podcast, or TED talk. The point is to make this a pleasurable experience so that you look forward to doing it.
Eat Intentionally
Pay attention to how you are fueling your body. We never want to restrict what we are eating, but it is good to pay attention to nutrients and inflammation. As most of your total body’s serotonin is made in the gut, nutrition and a balanced diet plays a vital role in our mental well-being.
Try to add in more whole foods, such as fruits and vegetables, nuts and seeds, whole grains, healthy fats, and proteins. Probiotic foods and fiber are vital to help stabilize mood and reduce anxiety. Keep things simple, aim for less ingredients and preservatives. That being said, do not deprive yourself of the splurges. It is ok to have pizza, ice cream, and processed carbs. Just have them in moderation and balanced with a healthy diet.
Pay attention to how certain food groups make your body feel. Everyone is diverse and comes from a different ancestry. If you find that one type of food often makes you feel tired, bloated, or achy, try to avoid it for two weeks and see how that feels. If we consume foods that are inflammatory to us this contributes to our anxiety. Before any drastic dietary changes, always consult your doctor about what is best for your body.
Try Nutritional Supplements
Our mental health can be off because of a particular deficiency. Ask your doctor about getting tested for nutrient deficiencies or trying natural supplements.
Here are a few that make a big difference in reducing anxiety:
- Vitamin D
- B-Complex
- Magnesium glycinate
- Fish Oil
- Probiotics
- Ashwagandha
It is also important to understand what is happening with your hormones. Often times thyroid or hormones are out of balance which can cause a myriad of symptoms. I highly recommend all women read Beyond The Pill by Jolene Brighten. This shines a light on natural ways to balance hormones and promote health rather than being reactive with symptoms.
It may also make sense to ask your doctor to test your hormone levels or to refer you to an endocrinologist. The better we understand our natural hormones and beneficial supplements the better our body and mental health function.
Connect With Others for Social Support
Reach out to your people, spend time with family members, connect with other moms, and make plans with friends. We need each other to vent, share advice, and just laugh and have fun. You might consider joining a local moms group, a book or creative club, or taking a class with like-minded peers. Talking with others can normalize what we are going through. You do not have to do this on your own. Lean on your support network and get some of this stress out of your mind and off of your plate.
Sometimes it is your partner who can be the greatest support, but they may not know all that you carry or how they can help. After hearing this from so many clients, and experiencing it myself, I created the Parenting Partners Equity Planner. This process and planner help to transform resentment and imbalance in the home into clarity and teamwork. It also makes the invisible, mental load visible and helps to strengthen emotional connection.
Prioritize Self-Care
Your anxiety is indicating that you need a break, and that is totally ok. In fact, it is healthy to have breaks, rest, and self-care. It does not make you selfish. In fact, taking care of yourself actually makes you more capable, and a happier mom.
Self-care includes time for all the steps mentioned above as well as just time to do nothing. It includes time out of the house to pursue your own interests, friends, or appointments. It includes delegating responsibilities so that you don’t have to do it all. It can also include prioritizing a massage or other bodywork that produces a calming effect.
Sometimes self-care can be intentional, relaxing time at home. But, you are more likely to find balance and incorporate these habits with a plan in place. This is what my Create Your Calm: Weekly Reset Planner does. It helps you to identify your highest priorities, simplify your schedule, and create a system that allows you to balance your time and meet your needs.
Simplify Your Life
Now this is something that we don’t always consider. Perhaps our anxiety has a root cause. Maybe all these techniques help for a while but then our anxiety creeps up again because our lives are simply too busy and unmanageable.
What are some things you could simplify or cut-out in your daily life? Which tasks or activities could you do less frequently? What could you delegate, un-follow, or say no to? Would it be beneficial to just watched the news once a week rather than constantly consuming it over your phone? What lifestyle changes need to happen? For more focus here, check out the blog Ten Steps to Simplifying Life for Overwhelmed Moms.
This step is a crucial one for all of my clients. We make changes from the core in order to maintain long term change.
Start Therapy
One of the best ways to truly understand and control your anxiety is to work with a professional therapist. We are trained to identify the specific symptoms of anxiety that you are experiencing and to teach clinical strategies.
If your anxiety has escalated to the level of panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, compulsions, PTSD, or severe avoidance please seek professional support. Cognitive behavioral therapy is especially equipped with tools to reduce anxiety. If you are severely depressed or having unsafe thoughts, please do not hesitate to go to the nearest emergency room and get help now.
Therapy is an incredibly effective tool to help with anxiety and often provides an alternative to medication. No one expects you to do this all on your own. Please ask for professional help when you need it.
As a mother, you play a vital role in your family. If you are struggling with anxiety, know that you are not alone, and make your wellness a priority. Incorporating some of these natural remedies can make a big difference. No one ever really teaches us how to deal with anxiety as a mom. I hope these small steps and simple tools to reduce anxiety naturally will help you to find this balance and enjoy motherhood again.
My therapy & coaching programs take a deeper dive into naturally reducing anxiety and results in a more sustainable and significant journey as a mother. It is a joy to be able to help clients with this every day. I would love to help you too.
By Rebecca Guarino, LMHC, CIMHP
Rebecca is a licensed therapist and coach, certified in integrative mental health. She also has a background in interior design and entrepreneurship. Rebecca is a wife and mother to two little girls. She specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety & holistic home and wellness coaching for busy moms.
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