Life and Home By Design

Being a mother is a rewarding and beautiful role, but it can be exhausting! If you often feel overwhelmed, or as though you will never catch up, you are not alone.  Most of the mothers I work with feel this way too. In this article I’ll share strategies that help overwhelmed moms simplify their lives to have more time to enjoy their family. 

There are so many expectations and responsibilities put on women these days it’s no wonder our stress levels are high. We are constantly expected to be the perfect mom, have impeccable homes, be in the best shape of our lives, provide financially for our families, keep up social connections, and maintain all the mental load of the family, home, and logistics. 

This juggling act is simply unsustainable. We end up being burnt out, flustered, and stressed. Some of us start to feel like we’re failing at everything, and this can bring on irrational guilt and depression. Being flooded with all these emotions prevents us from being present and enjoying the precious time we have with our families. 

The good news is that with the following practical tips we can simplify our home life, reduce mom guilt, and enjoy our time with our little ones.

10 Steps to Simplify Your Life with Kids (relief for overwhelmed moms!)

1. Take the pressure off

2. Delegate responsibilities

3. Be a family team

4. Invest in yourself 

5. Build sustainable systems 

6. Partner with other moms

7. Learn to say no

8. Declutter your mind with a brain dump

9. Schedule in downtime

10. Give yourself grace

Take The Pressure Off

First step: take a minute today or tomorrow to write down your highest priorities. What is going to matter to you when you reflect back on this period of your life? 

Once you’re clear on what your priorities are, let those things be your focus rather than the endless to-do list. Let those things be the focus rather than societal pressures or a need to keep up with others. This is your life, and you get to decide what it feels like.

👉 Helpful tool: The Create Your Calm: Weekly Reset Planner helps you do exactly this: reflect, simplify, and realign your focus weekly so you can spend more time living and less time managing.

Now that you have an idea of where your priorities lie, it’s time to simplify everything else. Your family still needs to eat, your home has to be maintained, you still have to pay the bills. But maybe there are some boundaries you can set, maybe there are things you can cut back on, and maybe there are systems you can simplify. 

• Can you order your groceries online and pick them up to save time?
• Are there some activities your kids could skip out on or save for only one season of the year?
• Can you pickup healthy takeout one evening a week or make every Monday evening leftovers from Sunday dinner?
• Can some tasks (like paying bills or cleaning the bathrooms) be saved for just one day a month rather than weekly?
• Can you get rid of some items in your home so that there are less things to clean and organize constantly?
• Can you simplify what you are consuming online and cut out the unnecessary?
• Can you put all your daily vitamins into a pill box every two weeks so that it is easier to take them everyday?

Or, taking a longer view:

• Can you feasibly lower your bills by moving into a smaller home or trading in an expensive car in order to work less?

This deep dive works wonders, and I use it for myself and my coaching clients. We can’t possibly do everything all the time, but we can slow down and be intentional with our time. Give yourself the gift of prioritizing your life and simplifying the rest.

Delegate Responsibilities 

If you have a partner, it is essential that you communicate and balance the family responsibilities. Sit down together and make a list of all the things you both do and see who needs some relief. Each of you can probably find one of two things that you dread the most that your partner might not mind taking on. In our household my husband takes the kids out to the bus every morning so that I can sit and drink my coffee. I do bedtime stories so that he can relax at the end of the day. A few peaceful moments can make a huge difference in our stress levels.

👉 Pro tip: Use this Parenting Partner Equity Planner that walks you both through making the invisible, mental load visible, rebalancing household tasks, and turning resentment into balance and connection.

Perhaps there are some things you can afford to delegate professionally. Consider hiring a cleaner once a month, a landscaper to mow the lawn, or a marketing pro to take on some tasks for your business. Maybe you’d appreciate spending a bit more money on childcare so that you can enjoy a date night, or focus on your work, or just be present when the kids are home. Consider asking a relative to help with child care occasionally. (Likely they’ll enjoy a little time with the kids!)

No matter what you decide to delegate, do it without guilt. These tasks do not define you and they may not fulfill you. You are allowed to not do it all. Outsourcing some tasks will let you be more present with your family and fulfilled with your most important roles. 

Be A Family Team

All family members can contribute to making life more sustainable. Talk to your family over dinner about how you can become more of a team. What is making everyone feel burnt out? Are there different tasks that each can take on? 

In our home we have a weekly laundry dump. I pile the baskets of clean laundry onto the living room table and the whole family sorts it together. It takes a total of 5-10 minutes. Afterward everyone is left with their own laundry to fold. My littlest prefers to sort her items into categories and put them away in her drawers without folding. I am ok with that. It is worth more to have my time back than to fuss about folding. 

Another all-family strategy we use is called “the blitz.” My mom started this tradition, and it remains a family favorite. As all overwhelmed moms know, life gets busy, things accumulate, and our homes become cluttered. It’s time for the blitz. I call the family together, set a timer (maybe 5-15 minutes), turn on some fun music, and everyone in the family does a speed clean. It’s great for the kids because it’s quick, high energy, and the entire family does it together. Before I know it, the house is picked up, and it wasn’t solely my burden.

There are many more strategies like these. Ask your friends and family what they do or what household chores their children have. It is healthy for your children to contribute, and ultimately your family is happier when you’re not left feeling resentful or overworked. 

Invest In Yourself

Hopefully when you made your list of priorities, one was your physical health and mental health. Traditionally moms put their family’s well-being ahead of their own so this can be a challenge. But the reality is we are better mothers when our own needs are met, and we feel better. 

Imagine your physical and mental reserve as water in a pitcher constantly pouring into the cups of our children, our spouse, our jobs, and our other obligations. Eventually that pitcher will run dry. But if we continually fill that pitcher with what we need, it will naturally overflow into all those cups. 

Take an inventory of the things you need to be your best self. It could be daily exercise time, a weekly therapy appointment, a monthly massage, a girl’s night out, or simply more rest and healthy nutrition. Get back to making self care one of the most important things in your life. Script these things into your week before you get too busy doing everything else. 

For a deeper practice, check out my Simplify & Soothe Toolkit which shares my favorite grounding techniques to calm anxiety in under five minutes – tools I teach in therapy and use myself as a mom.

Watch for symptoms of stress and when you feel too much pressure, give yourself a much-needed break! For more tools to reduce anxiety as a mother check out this blog.

Build Sustainable Systems

This will be different for every person. You know yourself. Many people like to automate as much as possible, like bill paying or calendar reminders. Some people like to create a visual schedule for each week and abide by time blocks. Some people don’t know what they’re going to feel like each day so they keep a list of productive options and pull from it when they have some spare time. Other people like to delegate certain days to certain categories and deep dive into that role without distraction. 

If you struggle to stay consistent with self-care and healthy habits, my Create Your Calm: Weekly Reset Planner can help. It includes a habit tracker and gentle, psychology based system-building so you can make intentional, lasting changes without burnout.

I’d recommend you take a couple personality tests and figure out your personal preferences. Check out https://www.16personalities.com/ or the book The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up: Find Your Path, Face Your Shadow, Discover Your True Self by Beatrice Chesnut PhD. These will help you to learn more about your motivations and tendencies. 

Keep in mind that a system is only sustainable if it is attainable.

For this reason, I recommend developing mini-habits. These are tiny, doable tasks that put you one step closer to your ultimate goal. If you are hoping to get more daily movement, make a mini-habit of getting up to walk or stretch during TV commercial breaks each evening. Even on your least motivated days, these mini-habits are attainable and one of the best ways to build lifelong habits. And you might end up doing more than the 3-5 minutes of exercise you’d hoped for! 

Training your brain to do these things habitually can be hard work. Start very small and aim for consistency. It might help to pair a new habit with an already established habit. For instance, you already eat lunch every day so perhaps take your lunch outside to get some sunshine and exercise. 

I work with clients to help them create the best productivity schedule for their lifestyle. These schedules are all different, but they all involve simplifying tasks, prioritizing, and working towards sustainability. 

Partner With Other Moms

Finding other moms (or dads!) to partner with is pure magic. We are all in the thick of it together, and when we come together and help each other it is so powerful. This is especially important if you are a single parent.

• Talk to other moms about carpooling to activities. 
• Take turns having kids over to play so the other mother has a day to herself and vice versa. 
• Have your nieces and nephews visit for a weekend so that your sibling can get away with her partner. Enjoy your time away when she takes your kids. 
• Make plans with another mother to meet at the playground and connect or exercise while your kids have fun together. (Stay-at-home moms might make this a regular thing.)
• Meet other moms to walk the track and chat while your kids play sports. These short walks are a great time to give each other emotional support.

We need each other to help balance these chaotic years, and we all benefit as a result. Make these connections, build friendships, and create a village of support. 

Learn To Say No

We all can do something, but no one can do everything. You might have time to volunteer at school, or coach a sport, or take on an extra project at work. When you have the time and energy to help, enjoy it. But, at other times we also need to set boundaries and say no. It’s okay to decline additional commitments when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Prioritize your well-being, family, and sanity. Remind yourself of your top priorities and move on without guilt. 

Declutter Your Mind With A Brain Dump

This step is a favorite of mine. We all have those weeks when we feel like there are a million and one things to do and we can’t get to any of it. 

Take 20 minutes to yourself with a pen and paper and write down all the tasks you’re faced with and all the concerns going through your brain. Now go through that list. Which ones are in your control? Which ones can you do something about soon? Which ones are the highest priority? What could you delegate? Which ones will take 2-5 minutes of energy, and which will you need a few hours to complete? Break that list down into groups that make sense to you. If you like to get the small things out of the way first, do that. If you prefer to conquer the big things first, schedule those tasks into your week. 

Once things are written down you tend to feel less compelled to ruminate over them. Get everything out of your head and onto paper. You’re one step closer to cranking out those items over time. 

Schedule In Downtime

Don’t miss this step! Sometimes we are so motivated to make changes that we overschedule our time. We forget that it is just as important to have time to breathe. 

Maybe Sundays are sacred, and you need that full day to just snuggle with your kids or go on adventures together. Maybe you need an hour or two at the end of each day to connect with your spouse and your children; time to play, eat, and hear about their days. Maybe you need some downtime every Monday morning once the kids are off to school to get back to yourself and your self-care needs. Whatever downtime means to you, don’t overlook it. We are more productive if we have work/life balance. 

And please use all your vacation time. We need breaks from work whether or not we’re traveling. We need some weeks throughout the year during which we get to take a break from all the household tasks and just be present with our loved ones. 

Give Yourself Grace

Perfection is not attainable. Perfection in not attainable. Perfection is NOT attainable. 

We can set goals and create attainable systems, and even so, the schedule goes awry. That is ok. It is ok if these systems evolve over time. It is ok if some weeks we need to do a little less. It is ok if we get off track. We are only human. We are trying our best. We all have difficult moments. Even the best kids act up and even the best parents make mistakes. Take a deep breath, forgive yourself and aim to get back on track the next day. 

Your children will remember if they felt loved. That is the most important thing. 

Being a mother is the hardest yet most amazing job in the world. 

I hope with these steps motherhood will be a little bit less challenging for you. Remember to use gratitude and let yourself enjoy these fleeting moments. 

There are also many licensed therapists and coaches who can help if you’re feeling like an overwhelmed mom. My coaching program takes a deeper dive into simplifying mom life and results in a more sustainable and significant life and home. It is a joy to be able to help clients with this every day. I would love to help you too. 

Copyright © Rebecca Tull Guarino, LMHC [2023]. All rights reserved.

All content, including text, images, graphics, and other media, on this blog is the property of Rebecca Tull Guarino, LMHC and is protected by United States and international copyright laws. Unauthorized use or reproduction of any content without prior written permission is strictly prohibited.

You may share excerpts or links to the content on this blog, provided that proper credit is given to Rebecca Tull Guarino, LMHC & LifeAndHomeByDesign.com and a link back to the original content is included.

For inquiries regarding the use or licensing of any content on this blog, please contact Rebecca Tull Guarino, LMHC.

This website includes affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed on this blog do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Rebecca Tull Guarino, LMHC, LifeAndHomeByDesign.com, its employees, or affiliates.

The information provided on LifeAndHomeByDesign.com is for general informational purposes only. We do not provide professional advice outside of a professional agreement. Any reliance you place on the information provided is at your own risk.

If you are in a life threatening situation, please do not use this site. Call the 24h National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255 or use these resources. If your issue is an emergency, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

• Instagram
• Facebook
• Pinterest
• Threads
• Twitter
• LinkedIn
• YouTube
• TikTok